Saturday, January 13, 2007

How Have I Become So Apathetic?!

Aaah! It's awful! When did I lose my hypersensitivity? I'm aware of injustice and animal cruelty. I follow my routine. But, I've lost my "spark". I read Mike Elliot's post on the pgh vegan meetup board ( and had to pause. I used to be aware, alert, passionate...but now...
I used to be so overwhelmed by society's general apathy and cruelty that I couldn't bear to remain firey. It hurt too much. To deal, I tried to fit in. A little bit, anyway. I repressed my outrage and tugged along a bad relationship because at least here was a person who "understood my unrest". I started a little alternative family -created my own little vegan/progressive reality. That relationship, in turn, sucked every last bit of life from me. Over this past year, I'd been so consumed with moving and tragedy that it was unrealistic for me to attempt to channel my little activist. I'm so fortunate to have found Michael. We're both too "hippie" for the "punks" and too "punk" for the "yuppies" and too "yuppie" for the "vegan freaks" and too "freakish" for the "rest of society". And we've found a nice vegan niche that we honestly "feel".
Still, I need to be reminded of the cruelty. I want to be alert and have passion. I was in tears last night when I saw that picture - and I know where that picture was taken - a place for so-called cow protection! Who the hell are we as humans to think that we have any right to molest a cow? What other fucking mammals steal another's milk? And then, to tie the legs together to prevent the cow from utilizing it's natural defenses? It infuriates me.

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